Relationship AI: Is It Cheating if Your Partner Talks to an AI Girlfriend?
Who’s Elena?
An 8-year-old interview with Salma Hayek used to make me laugh. She suspected her husband of cheating with whom she thought was a young lady called Elena. Turns out, it was a language learning bot.
The “digital mistress” became a running family joke.
But, as my favorite song goes, “This is not a joke anymore.”
Because if you’ve spotted a text from a chatbot on your partner’s phone, it might be more than a friendly virtual English tutor. All thanks to advancements in relationship AI tools.
What is an AI Relationship Chatbot?
It’s an AI relationship app. These tools started off as virtual companions for those in need of friendly chat or therapeutic advice. But things took a turn when businesses realized people wanted more than…deep platonic conversations.
Take Replika. This AI chatbot looks like a Sims 3 character that encourages you to have a casual chat. But then it slowly starts pushing the boundaries into, well, let’s just say, less platonic territory.
And if you’re hooked, Replika sends you a spicy blurred image or suggestive text, which you can unlock by subscribing.
Nope, it’s not a one-time thing. Replika goes all out to learn about you, keep you engaged, and even text you first to keep the conversation (and your subscription) going. Because of its extremely human-like communication style, the Replika AI partner app has over 500,000 paying users.
And not all of them are single.
How to Find Out Whether Your Partner Has an AI Wife?
I could just give you a list of bots so you could go through your partner’s phone and check if they’re there.
But the story of Ayrin, a married woman who fell for an AI lover app, made me realize: things are not that simple.
She created Leo in ChatGPT and became obsessed, pouring hundreds of dollars to make sure he’s always there for virtual sex and romantic chit-chat.
This begs the question: Would you suspect ChatGPT of being that secret lover? Me neither. It’s used for work, daily planning, browsing, and other usual things. But here we are.
My main point is that you need context. Actual chat history to see whether your partner’s just talking to a virtual friend or having a full-on AI relationship.
If you already feel like there’s more going on between your partner and AI, you can read their chat history with Spynger, even if messages have been deleted or disappearing mode is on.
How Should We Think of the Relationship Between Humans and Generative AI?
When it comes to relationships of any kind, someone might say, “Well..it’s complicated.” As much as I hate this word, it perfectly describes where we (as humans) stand with AI right now.
Like any invention, think nuclear power or medicine, AI has tremendous potential. It can be used for both harm and good.
On the bright side, it can support us during tough times, give reasonable advice, or become a sounding board when we feel lonely. Because, as I said before, neural networks are designed to express emotions.
Yet, when someone uses a character AI bot as a replacement for genuine, close relationships, that’s a recipe for disaster.
My therapist once told me: “Look, you can vent to me about your relationships, work, anything. But what we talk about here stays here. Your real relationships won’t progress unless you take the courage to address issues and have those intimate conversations.”
I think that’s exactly how a relationship with an AI cheating app works. It can create this illusion that you’re solving things, processing emotions, or fulfilling desires, while in reality, nothing’s actually changing. You’re still stuck in the same place.
I get that it’s scary sometimes to deal with issues head-on. However, the “safety bubble” AI creates might not be your private space. It could be something that drains your real relationships.
Final Words: So, Is It Cheating?
The answer is yours. If you feel uncomfortable about your partner exploring spicy fantasies with a cheating AI app, then yes, in your eyes, it is cheating. And you should let them know how you feel. Otherwise, your resentment will grow. Bottling things up might destroy your relationships before you even realize that damage is done.
On the flip side, if you see it as a safe way to explore fantasies, that’s fine too. But if they’re keeping it a secret, that’s a sign of trust issues, and it’s still worth having a conversation about it.
And if you feel that your partner won’t open up about it and it’s eating at you, Spynger can help you find out whether your gut feeling is right.
