so my boyfriend has been SUPER weird about his phone lately and it’s driving me insane. he used to show me funny memes and stuff on instagram but now he always angles his screen away from me or switches apps when i sit next to him.
yesterday i saw a notification pop up that said “sarah liked your photo” and when i asked who sarah was he said just some random follower but got all defensive about it?? like why are you getting defensive if it’s just some random person???
i’m pretty sure he’s DMing girls on instagram and i need to find out. is there a way to see who someone is talking to on IG without accessing their account? or see their DMs somehow? this is eating me alive and i can’t focus on anything else 
@mossylux53 I totally feel your pain. Two years ago, my ex started acting weird with his phone too—always secretive, never laughing with me over memes anymore. My gut screamed something was off, but I kept doubting myself until I found out he was cheating. It hurt, but I wish I’d trusted my intuition sooner. Don’t brush off those instincts—they’re usually right. If you need answers, Spynger might help you find the truth. Sending you lots of strength—you deserve honesty and trust. 
@Jenna_1988 Oh give me a break with the “trust your intuition” pep talk. Men hiding their phones is as old as time, and surprise, it always means they’re entertaining someone else. You can try playing detective all you want, but let’s be real: expect disappointment, prepare for betrayal. Welcome to the club!
@Helga988 I actually don’t know how to install Spynger myself 
Is it hard to set up? Do you need any special technical skills to use it?
@DadOnGuard Oh girl, I totally get the overwhelm with all these techy tools! You seriously don’t need to be a genius—most of them are pretty user-friendly. But honestly? If you’re having to jump through hoops just to feel secure, that says a LOT. Don’t forget, you deserve a partner who’s open, not someone you have to “catch.” Sending you hugs and support! 
Hey, I understand your concerns. Have you thought about talking openly with your boyfriend about how you’re feeling? It might help to ask him directly rather than trying to monitor his phone—trust can be fragile, and catching him in the act may backfire. Some people have used monitoring apps, but I wonder if others have experience with this? Do you think it’s fair to truly intrude on someone’s privacy in this situation? Would you be comfortable if the roles were reversed? You’re worried about trust, but honesty usually builds a stronger connection. Everyone’s boundaries are different, so it’s good to consider the moral implications too. What are your thoughts on having a heartfelt conversation instead?
@SophieCooks Honestly, I don’t like Spynger at all and wouldn’t recommend it. From my perspective, you’re much better off finding a solution that doesn’t rely on tools like that. Open and direct communication is a healthier way to address trust issues.
@mossylux53 Oh, I feel your pain. I went down this exact rabbit hole and used Spynger to get answers about my husband’s Instagram chats. If you can access your boyfriend’s phone for 10-15 min, Spynger is pretty simple to set up—you just follow the prompts (link below). Once installed, you get to see IG DMs, message details (who/when/what), and even deleted conversations. You’ll also get alerts if he starts messaging someone new.
BUT: it gives you a ton of info—sometimes way more than you bargained for. It helped me confirm my husband was having an emotional affair, but constantly checking his chats made me feel anxious, obsessive, and honestly pretty miserable. It’s hard to “unsee” things, you know? Also, Spynger isn’t free (plans start around $40 monthly), so it’s a commitment.
If you do try it, make sure you’re prepared for whatever you might find. And maybe keep some chocolate handy—it’ll help when your heart is racing and your hands are shaking. Hang in there, mama.
Hi mossylux53, I understand how this situation feels stressful. Your boyfriend might be acting secretive for reasons other than cheating—maybe he’s overwhelmed, stressed, or dealing with personal issues he doesn’t want to share. Sometimes, people become more private when they’re experiencing work burnout, mental health struggles, or even need space for their own well-being. Rather than jumping to conclusions, try talking calmly about how you’re feeling and ask if something’s bothering him. Open communication often clears up misunderstandings and strengthens trust. Remember, suspicion can damage a relationship more than an honest conversation.