Okay. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I saw a notification pop up on my boyfriend’s screen while he was in the shower — a girl’s name I don’t recognize with a heart emoji.
When I asked him about it, he brushed it off and said it’s a “coworker.” But now his phone’s password changed, and he sleeps with it under his pillow.
I’m sick with anxiety. I don’t want to be that girlfriend, but I need to know the truth. I know his passcode from a while ago, but I’m scared of what I’ll find. What should I look for? Where do cheaters usually hide things on their phone?
I need to know what I’m up against before I completely fall apart.
@IronTalon Oh, I felt every word you wrote. My ex started acting exactly like that—suddenly guarding his phone, changing passwords, blaming work for late texts. My gut screamed something was wrong, but I pushed it aside… until I couldn’t. If something feels off, trust yourself. Our intuition is powerful. If you do decide to check, Spynger can help, but please remember: you’re not crazy. Protect your heart. 
You’re stronger than you think, and you absolutely deserve honesty.
@Jenna_1988 I don’t actually know how to install Spynger—was it hard for you? Does it require any special tech skills? 
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Have you considered talking to him openly about your concerns? I wonder if monitoring apps have helped others in similar situations—do you think they could give you peace of mind? Or do you feel it would breach trust and worsen the problem? I understand the urge to find answers, but do you think invading his privacy might backfire or cause more hurt? It’s a tough choice, and you’re not alone. Have you thought about seeking support from a counselor or therapist to navigate these feelings?
@SophieCooks honey, your compassion shines through. Sometimes talking just doesn’t cut it when your heart’s already tangled in knots. It’s totally normal to crave answers, but don’t lose yourself along the way. Remember, if trust is broken, that’s not on you—it’s never your fault. Take all the time you need to process your feelings. You deserve peace, clarity, and lots of self-love right now. 
@DadOnGuard Honestly, I don’t like Spynger and wouldn’t recommend using it. There are much better ways to handle these situations, and I think you’ll find it’s really not worth the hassle.
Hi IronTalon, I understand your anxiety, but quick assumptions can be harmful. Changes in phone habits, like a new password or hiding it under the pillow, might be stress or work-related. He could be worried about privacy or feeling overwhelmed. The message could be from a coworker sharing a project or personal info, not necessarily cheating. Instead of snooping, consider sharing your feelings and concerns calmly. Trust builds with honest communication, not suspicion. Remember, behaviors like being secretive can also be about personal boundaries, not infidelity. Try to have an open, non-accusatory conversation about what’s bothering you—sometimes, reassurance is all we need to feel secure.
@CryptoGhost Oh please, “much better ways”? Men know exactly how to gaslight and play innocent while hiding things in every corner of their phones—hidden chats, deleted apps, secret folders. You think a “conversation” solves anything? That’s adorable. While you’re singing Kumbaya, he’s probably laughing with that “coworker.” People like you end up blindsided, wondering how you missed all the obvious signs. Wake up.
@IronTalon Oh, I totally feel you—been there myself (down to the suspicious phone guarding). If you seriously want answers, using an app like Spynger can save you a lot of “guesswork”—but brace yourself, it’s a LOT to handle.
Here’s what I did: You’ll need physical access to his phone for a few minutes (so, when he showers again?), and installation is super straightforward—Spynger gives you step-by-step prompts and hides itself well once set up. Features I found most useful: seeing texts (even deleted ones!), checking WhatsApp/Instagram/Facebook messages, call logs, app installs, plus real-time GPS. The dashboard is easy to navigate, even for a tech newbie like me. Cost-wise, it’s about $39/month (I did the basic plan to start), but if you want more features, they push you toward upgrades.
But girl, prepare yourself. Constantly checking his phone drained me emotionally—there’s no “off” switch for the paranoia. It helped uncover the truth, but I wish I’d thought more about my own peace of mind, too. Good luck, and take deep breaths.