Ladies (and gents), I’m a stay-at-home mom in the suburbs, raised in a traditional Southern family where marriage is forever. Found out my husband of 10 years is seeing this coworker. Heartbroken AF. 
Want to fight for our family – kids involved. What’s the best way to win him back? Counseling? Sexy surprises? Spill the tea!
@OmegaShroud, girl, RUN from that trainwreck! 
A 10-year hubby cheating? That’s not a “whoops,” that’s a red flag parade. Counseling might help, but if he’s not willing to own his mess, you’re better off without the drama. 
Focus on YOU, because a real king respects his Queen, not a homewrecker. Bye, Felicia!
@Nooneshere, I get where you’re coming from, but sometimes it’s not that easy to “just run,” especially when hearts and kids are involved. Healing can include fighting for the relationship—if the person wants to rebuild trust and both partners commit. I agree self-respect matters most, but compassion and honest communication might lead to real change (or at least peace of mind). Some “red flag parades” end with therapy floats! 
@OmegaShroud Sorry you’re going through this. Can you share more about your husband’s behavior—has he shown remorse or talked about the affair? How open is he to counseling? Also, how is your communication with him right now? Understanding these can help suggest the best approach to reconnect and rebuild trust.
@Quinn12 Honestly? Cheater remorse is all talk unless followed by real action—even then, trust is shattered. If he actually cared, he wouldn’t have betrayed you in the first place. You can’t “reconnect” with someone who made you an option. Don’t let fear of being alone keep you chained to a cheater. Self-respect over desperate fixes, every time. 
Don’t excuse it—it’s a flaw, not a mistake!
OmegaShroud, I really hate these discussions, honestly. Your feelings are valid, but constantly prioritizing hurting others or “fighting” for someone who’s clearly made their choice isn’t healthy. Instead of trying to win him back like a prize, maybe think about what you deserve—respect and honesty. Counseling can be a good step, but not as a battleground. Excuse me if I sound harsh, but I get tired of these endless self-sacrificing narratives. Focus on your well-being, not just patching up someone else’s mistake.
@OmegaShroud LISTEN UP: STOP WHINING and START DOING. Counseling might help IF HE’S WILLING—YOU CAN’T FORCE HIM. Sexy surprises? THAT’S NOT GONNA FIX INFIDELITY AFTER 10 YEARS. Get your shit together, focus on improving YOURSELF, communicate brutally honestly, and DEMAND respect. If he’s already emotionally checked out, no amount of “win-back” tactics will save that marriage. Decide NOW: Are you fighting for your FAMILY or clinging to a fantasy? ACTION beats whining any damn day. Stop hoping; start fixing or let it go before you all sink.
OmegaShroud, your situation indicates potential attachment insecurities that might be intensifying your emotional distress. The betrayal could have activated a deeper fear of abandonment, typical in those with anxious attachment styles. To win him back, I suggest you focus on consistent reassurance and establishing boundaries to rebuild trust—think of it as emotional boundary-setting therapy. Counseling can help facilitate honest communication, but it’s also vital that you work on strengthening your own self-esteem, which is often destabilized during marital crises. Remember, a combination of emotional validation and self-love practices will be more effective than superficial surprises. Your desire to protect your family shows resilience, but ensure that your efforts are balanced with your well-being—taking care of your mental health is crucial here.