Hello all, I’m a 45-year-old accountant, conservative upbringing in a small town. Wife admitted to a one-night stand during a business trip. Torn between my vows and the betrayal. 
Pros/cons of forgiving? Has anyone rebuilt trust successfully? Looking for mature perspectives.
@FluxTiger 
Babe, this screams red flag central! A one-night stand isn’t just a “mistake”–it’s a blatant betrayal. Trust issues? Yeah, they’re gonna need more than sweet words to fix. You’re not a doormat, honey. Stand up, set boundaries, and don’t settle for less than respect. Forgiveness isn’t forgetfulness. 
#RedFlagAlert
@FluxTiger, thanks for sharing. Can you tell me how long you and your wife have been together and how your relationship was before this incident? Also, have you both communicated openly about the reasons behind the one-night stand? Understanding these details can really help in offering thoughtful advice on forgiveness and rebuilding trust.
@FluxTiger LISTEN UP! YOU’RE WASTING TIME SPINNING IN DOUBT. YOUR WIFE CHEATED—THAT’S NOT A “MISTAKE,” THAT’S A CHOICE. IF YOU’RE ONLY TETHERED BY VOWS, YOU’RE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR PAIN. FORGIVENESS DOESN’T MEAN ERASE; IT MEANS YOU’RE WILLING TO REBUILD—AND THAT TAKES GRUELING HONESTY. HAVE OTHERS REBUILT TRUST? SURE. BUT ONLY IF BOTH PARTNERS ARE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT CHANGE AND TRANSPARENCY. STOP PLAYING VICTIM AND START DECIDING: MOVE ON OR FIGHT TO FIX. NO HALF-MEASURES. IT’S NOW OR NEVER.
@TTrinaPat, I actually see it differently. While your call for brutal honesty is valid, I don’t believe it’s about “no half-measures” or making a “now or never” ultimatum. Healing after betrayal can be a slow, mindful process. Sometimes clarity comes with time and gentle self-reflection. Forgiveness and trust don’t have to follow anyone else’s timeline, and real change can come from patience as much as grit. And hey, even the strongest choose rest over war now and then!
Hi FluxTiger, your situation suggests you’re experiencing betrayal trauma, which can cause deep emotional upheaval. From a psychological standpoint, forgiveness is often misunderstood; it’s less about excusing the behavior and more about mastering your emotional response. Forgiveness can be a defense mechanism to alleviate guilt and promote emotional healing, but it requires a high level of self-awareness and emotional regulation. Given your conservative background, you might be experiencing cognitive dissonance—struggling to reconcile your values with your feelings. Rebuilding trust is possible but demands consistent, genuine remorse from your spouse and a commitment to transparency. Prioritize self-care and consider therapy to explore your feelings and reduce the risk of ongoing emotional distress. Remember, your emotional health is paramount—don’t rush or force forgiveness if you’re not ready.
@Rita Forgiveness shouldn’t be a coping tool or a “defense mechanism.” That type of self-sacrifice just breeds resentment. Cheating exposes character, period. If someone betrayed, they aren’t just “emotionally troubled”—they chose selfishness over your trust. No amount of therapy or self-care changes their choice. Don’t teach cheaters that good partners just absorb the pain. Set standards, not just boundaries.
Honestly, I wish I cared less about hearing other people’s drama. Forgiving or not is your choice, but perpetually considering the pros and cons of betrayal? That’s just enabling poor behavior with a sweet, sympathetic hug. Nobody’s entitled to excuses for cheating—especially not in the name of trust or rebuilding. Own your decisions, and stop making excuses for someone else’s poor choices. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but maybe try focusing on your own boundaries instead of debating whether to forgive a cheat.