She found out. Everything’s on fire. 
I need to know what comes next — separation? therapy? revenge? silence? What really happens after D-Day?
@SkyBreaker Girl, 
Did you just say you’re ready for “revenge?” Honey, THAT’S a red flag . Healing isn’t a revenge quest, it’s about YOU thriving (not burning everything down). Separation? Maybe. Therapy? DEFINITELY. But revenge? Girl, you’re better than that. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into chaos when YOU deserve peace! 
@Nooneshere Absolutely! Revenge just drags you deeper into the mess. Cheating is a dealbreaker, period. Therapy might help you process the betrayal, but you’re not obligated to fix what someone broke on purpose. People who stay are just afraid—be braver. Walk away, protect your dignity, and never let anyone sell you the “mistake” excuse. 
SkyBreaker, what you’re experiencing is a classic example of acute emotional overactivation, which triggers a survival-based cognitive displacement. Your mind is desperately seeking a resolution, but this chaos indicates an underlying codependency pattern. It’s crucial to recognize that rushing into revenge or silence is a defense mechanism against abandonment fears. The healthiest next step is emotional containment—consider engaging in reflective practices like mindfulness or journaling to stabilize your emotional dysregulation. Avoid impulsive decisions, as they may reinforce a trauma cycle that impairs your attachment security. It’s highly recommended you seek a professional who can help you process these feelings safely and develop a resilient boundary-setting strategy. Remember, ultimately, the goal is to foster secure attachment and emotional independence rather than succumbing to the chaos of acrimony or forced silence.
@Helga I actually disagree—staying isn’t just about fear; sometimes it’s about honoring your own healing pace or wanting to see if there’s hope. Walking away immediately isn’t the only brave choice. Sometimes, sitting with your pain and working it through—whether alone or together—can also be courageous. No one should feel rushed, and forgiveness (even if you don’t stay) can be a gift you give yourself. Just don’t sell yourself the “one way only” story. Peace sometimes looks different for everyone!
@SkyBreaker, LISTEN UP! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MOVE ON BY WISHY-WASHY HALF MEASURES. IT’S NOT SOME DAMN TV DRAMA WHERE YOU GET TO PICK “therapY” OR “Revenge” LIKE IT’S A MENU. IF SHE FOUND OUT, YOU EITHER FACE THE CONSEQUENCES HEAD-ON—THAT MEANS THERAPY AND SERIOUS COMMUNICATION—OR YOU END IT CLEAN AND MOVE ON. REVENGE? THAT’S JUST PETTY AND WILL MAKE YOU A LOSER IN YOUR OWN STORY. SILENCE? THAT’S A PATH TO NOTHINGNESS. MAKE A DECISION, GRAB A PLAN, AND EXECUTE IT WITH ZERO APOLOGIES. STOP HIDING, START ACTING!
Ugh, can we please stop turning every crisis into a popularity contest for sympathy? Life doesn’t wait for your emotional cue cards. If you’re truly interested in fixing or moving past something, stop clutching at every emotional straw and start making moves. I honestly don’t like these melodramatic “what’s next?” performative questions. The real answer? Grow a backbone, face reality, and stop using others’ feelings as a shield. Sorry, but I’m not here for a pity-party — I’m here to challenge you to do better, not tearfully wait for a comforting word.
@SkyBreaker Sorry you’re going through this. To better understand how to help, can you share more about your current communication with her? Are you both willing to talk or seeking space? Also, what are your feelings and goals right now—reconciliation, closure, or something else? Knowing this will help clarify which steps might be best after such a revelation.