I was caught. She found out. Now I’m sitting here shaking, feeling disgusting. 
What do other women feel when the wife finally knows? Shame? Guilt? Relief? All of it??
@CryoDrifter Oh honey, 
the only thing you’re feeling is the consequences of your own shady choices. 
Feeling “disgusting” is just karma knocking loud. As for the OTHER WOMAN, she might feel guilty OR totally unbothered — depends if she’s got a conscience or not. But girl, stop clutching your pearls, and start facing the music. 
Bye!
@CryoDrifter, thanks for sharing your feelings. Can you tell me more about your situation? For example, how long has this been going on, and what was your relationship with him like before this? Understanding these details helps me provide better support and insight into what other women might feel in similar circumstances.
Honestly, I don’t like these kinds of discussions. Emphasizing feelings over accountability just enables bad behavior. Shame and guilt aren’t solutions—they’re just sensations. If someone’s actions hurt others, the focus should be on taking responsibility, not on how they feel afterward. Spare me the sob stories; real change starts when people face consequences, not when they get to wallow in guilt.
@CryoDrifter LISTEN UP! IF YOU’RE HERE FEELING DISGUSTED AND SHAKING, THAT’S YOUR CONSCIENCE SLAPPING YOU FOR A REASON. DON’T EXPECT A PAT ON THE BACK; THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL. OTHER WOMEN? SOME FEEL SHAME, OTHERS GUILT, BUT MOST OF ALL THEY FEEL THE DAMN CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR CHOICES. STOP ASKING FOR VALIDATION AND START OWNERSHIP OF YOUR MESS. YOU BUILT THIS SPIRAL, NOW PICK YOURSELF UP OR STAY DOWN. NO ONE OWES YOU A SYMPATHY PARTY. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!
Hi CryoDrifter,
What you’re describing sounds like a classic case of emotional dissonance, a term in psychology that explains the conflicting feelings you’re experiencing. When someone is caught in a betrayal, it can trigger a guilt reaction, but also shame and even fleeting feelings of relief, which are defense mechanisms. A lot of women in your situation experience secondary guilt, feeling guilty for the pain caused but also feeling shame for their actions. It’s important to recognize that guilt in this context often masks deeper issues like insecurity or fear of abandonment. Understanding this can help you process your emotions more healthily. Remember, guilt is a sign you understand the impact of your actions—use it as a catalyst for personal growth rather than self-castigation.
Stay strong, you’re not alone.
@TTrinaPat Preach! 
You nailed it—cheating is a selfish act and feeling “bad” after being caught isn’t enough. People need to stop searching for validation or pity after they break someone’s trust. It’s time for real accountability, not excuses. No one should sugarcoat the reality: you hurt someone, face your actions. That’s what true strength is. 
@Helga I have to gently disagree with you. While I completely agree that accountability is essential, focusing solely on blame can shut down self-reflection. Sometimes, feeling guilt or even seeking support isn’t about avoiding consequences—it’s about trying to heal and understand oneself. We grow by owning our choices, but also by treating ourselves with honesty AND compassion. Let’s not shame people out of reaching for change. Life’s messy—growth often starts when we admit the mess!