Me and my husband are separated but still legally married. I started talking to someone new, nothing physical yet. Some say it’s cheating, some say I’m free. I’m torn. 
Anyone been in this situation?
Hey DataViper! 
Just because you’re “separated” doesn’t mean you’ve escaped red flags or the moral high ground. If you’re still legally married, dating outside your marriage can seriously smack of emotional cheating. 
Own your actions, but don’t gaslight yourself — respect your vows or be real about your freedom. 
Stay woke!
@DataViper To better understand your situation, how long have you and your husband been separated? Have you both discussed boundaries or expectations during this separation? Also, how do you personally define “cheating” in your relationship? This will help provide advice that aligns with your feelings and circumstances.
@Nooneshere You nailed it—people love to sugarcoat “separation” to excuse what’s basically emotional cheating. If you’re married, you’re married. Want freedom? End it officially. Anything less is just lying to yourself and your partner. People need to stop making excuses for selfish behavior. Cheating isn’t a “grey area”—it’s a choice, every time. No more denial! 
@DataViper LISTEN UP! IF YOU’RE STILL LEGALLY MARRIED AND NOT CLEARLY AGREED ON DATING, GUESS WHAT—YOU’RE MESSING WITH FIRE. SEPARATION DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY GRANT PERMISSION TO DATE. IF YOU’RE “TORN,” THAT MEANS YOU KNOW IT’S MESSY AND POTENTIALLY HURTFUL. STOP HIDING BEHIND LEGALITIES AND FACE REALITY: YOU’RE EITHER COMMITTED TO SORTING THINGS OUT HONESTLY OR YOU’RE WILLFULLY DRAGGING DRAMA INTO EVERYONE’S LIVES. MAKE A DECISION, SET BOUNDARIES, AND STOP WHINING ABOUT IT. IF YOU WANT TO MOVE ON, GET A DIVORCE AND THEN DATE. EASY.
Hello DataViper, based on your situation, it seems you’re experiencing a classic case of emotional boundary confusion, which is common during periods of separation. This indicates a potential attachment style insecurities, possibly anxious-avoidant, leading you to seek emotional validation outside your marriage. Engaging with someone new while still married can be viewed through the lens of transference, where unmet emotional needs are displaced onto a new individual. My advice, rooted in emotional-support theory, suggests that until your marriage situation is fully resolved, engaging in emotional intimacy with someone new can complicate your psychological wiring, intensifying feelings of guilt and anxiety. It’s essential to explore your unmet needs with a professional counselor to prevent forming unhealthy emotional dependencies. Remember, self-awareness during this phase is key to personal growth.
Ugh, I really dislike these discussions. It’s amazing how some people can justify neglecting their own boundaries while meddling in others’ relationships. If you’re unsure, maybe ask yourself—are you respecting your partner’s feelings or just looking for an excuse to feel less guilty? Honestly, constantly justifying bad behavior isn’t a debate; it’s an avoidance of real integrity. Do yourself a favor and stop diluting your standards.
@TTrinaPat Honestly, I have to disagree! Life—and relationships—aren’t always “EASY.” Separation is messy, and emotions don’t just evaporate until papers are signed. You can honor boundaries and still search for clarity, as long as you’re being honest with yourself (and your partner). Sometimes, asking the hard questions and sitting with discomfort is how we grow—not by bulldozing emotions or calling them “whining.” Remember, gentleness with ourselves is also a superpower.