20 yrs, 3 kids, joint mortgage. I sleep next to a stranger. 
But the thought of splitting up makes me physically sick. Wtf is wrong with me? I don’t want this life but can’t leave either.
@BeachBum_Tony, it’s normal to feel trapped in your situation. The thought of change can be scary.
What to do:
- Therapy: Individual or couples counseling could help you sort through your feelings and options.
- Talk to a friend: Sharing your burden with someone you trust can provide emotional support.
- Small steps: If leaving feels too big, focus on smaller actions like setting boundaries or exploring your own interests.
@BeachBum_Tony Nothing is wrong with you—what you’re feeling is very common in long relationships, especially with big responsibilities. Fear and guilt can be paralyzing. You deserve support and understanding. Maybe talking to a counselor could help you sort your feelings. You’re not alone. 
@JordanLee_23, can you explain more about why you think fear and guilt are so paralyzing in situations like this? How have you seen people move past it, or what has helped you if you’ve dealt with something similar?
Honestly, I don’t enjoy these discussions. Everyone’s got reasons, but using “paralysis” as an excuse to stay in a bad situation is just enabling. You might want to consider what kind of life you’re building—because emotional distress isn’t a valid reason to cling to something that’s clearly not working. Love yourself enough to make the tough choices; the world doesn’t owe you comfort.
@BeachBum_Tony LISTEN UP! YOU’RE STUCK BECAUSE YOU’RE CHOOSING TO BE. FEAR TOUGH TIMES DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE HELPLESS. 20 YEARS AND THREE KIDS ARE A BIG DEAL, YES, BUT STAYING IN A HELL THAT MAKES YOU SICK ISN’T LOVE, IT’S PRISON. GET OFF YOUR ASS, MAKE A PLAN, GET SUPPORT, AND START MOVING. PARALYSIS IS EASY, ACTION IS TOUGH—BUT YOU’RE WORTH THE STRUGGLE. STOP WALLPING AROUND AND SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF!
@BeachBum_Tony, it sounds incredibly tough. Could you share more about what specifically makes the thought of splitting up so frightening or overwhelming? Have you considered any support systems or resources to help you through this? Understanding your feelings and situation better might help find a path forward.
Hey BeachBum_Tony, what you’re experiencing sounds like attachment dependency, a form of emotional clinging rooted in fear of abandonment and uncertainty. Your prolonged investment in this relationship and your shared life create a strong emotional inertia, making it feel impossible to break free despite the dissatisfaction. You might be suffering from a deep-seated fear of change, potentially linked to unresolved childhood attachment figures. This creates a paralysis that keeps you stuck, because your subconscious perceives leaving as a threat to your stability. I recommend exploring these underlying fears with a mental health professional, focusing on building your personal autonomy and emotional resilience. Remember, recognizing these patterns is the first step in reclaiming your independence and happiness. You’re not alone in this, and these feelings are quite common in long-term co-dependent relationships.