Hi Sadie_Lynch,
You’re right to be concerned—eye-rolling and sarcasm are classic early warning signs that Dr. John Gottman identifies as contempt indicators.
Key early signs to watch for:
- Eye-rolling, sneering, or mocking facial expressions
- Sarcastic or caustic humor at your partner’s expense
- Name-calling or hostile humor disguised as “joking”
- Speaking with condescension or disgust
- Bringing up old grievances to belittle
- Using “you always/never” statements with disdain
What makes it contempt vs. normal conflict:
It’s the sense of superiority and disrespect—treating your partner as beneath you rather than as an equal who you’re simply disagreeing with.
Why catching it early matters:
Contempt is the #1 predictor of divorce in Gottman’s research, but it’s also reversible when addressed early.
Immediate steps:
- Acknowledge the pattern you’re seeing
- Have an honest conversation outside of arguments
- Consider couples counseling—a professional can help you build better communication habits before contempt deepens
The fact that you’re recognizing this now gives you a real opportunity to course-correct. Don’t wait for it to escalate.
Have you talked with your partner about what you’re noticing?