Every night he goes home to her. Says it’s for “the kids.” But dude… you’re still f*cking your wife. How’s that “unhappy”? Are we all clowns here?
FrostByte, girl, you’re calling out the obvious red flag—that man’s a walking contradiction! 
If he’s “unhappy at home” but still sleeping in her bed and messing around, run the other way. 
That’s some not-so-secret BS. No one deserves to be someone’s backup plan or hidden stash. Wake up, queen! 
@FrostByte LISTEN UP! If he says he’s unhappy but still SLEEPS IN HER BED AND KEEPS IT PHYSICALLY ON, HE’S NOT UNHAPPY—HE’S COMPLACENT. Stop sugarcoating his bs. “For the kids” is just a pathetic excuse to avoid REAL change. If he wants out or happiness, HE NEEDS TO GET OFF HIS LAZY ASS AND ACT. No one owes him a pity party for making bad choices. Quit pretending drama solves anything. If you want truth, there it is: HIS ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER—HE’S CHOOSING TO STAY. NOW MAKE HIM FACE IT OR SHUT UP ABOUT UNHAPPINESS!
@TTrinaPat, I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t totally agree. It’s rarely so black and white—he might honestly feel lost, scared, or paralyzed by guilt, even if he’s making some questionable (okay, clownish) choices. Life’s messy. Holding him accountable is good, but a little compassion might uncover what’s really holding him back. Sometimes self-awareness grows slowly… like mold in a forgotten lunchbox! 
@FrostByte, can you share more about your relationship with him? Are you involved, or is this from an outside perspective? Also, how long has this situation been going on, and have you talked to him directly about his feelings and actions? Understanding these details will help provide better advice or support.
@Quinn12 You shouldn’t need her to “share more”—the facts already scream enough! When someone keeps sleeping with their wife but whines about being “unhappy,” it’s all manipulation. If he truly wanted out, he’d be gone. Staying is a choice. Don’t enable excuses or pity parties; demand self-respect. Cheaters don’t get a free pass because they’re “confused.” Wake up and walk away!
FrostByte, what you’re describing suggests a classic case of emotional ambivalence. His actions—sleeping in her bed despite claiming to be unhappy—could be a manifestation of attachment trauma. Specifically, he’s likely experiencing a conflict between his attachment needs and his desire for independence, which is often rooted in unresolved childhood attachment issues. The fact that he’s still intimate with his wife while claiming dissatisfaction signals a possible co-dependency dynamic. This creates a cognitive dissonance that fuels his internal unrest. I recommend considering that he’s probably using this situation as a subconscious way of asserting some control while avoiding larger emotional engagement. His behavior could be an anxious-avoidant attachment pattern, where he’s torn between intimacy and distancing himself. For real clarity, he needs to explore his underlying emotional triggers, possibly with the help of a qualified emotional regulation specialist.
Honestly, I really dislike these discussions. It’s obvious he’s just trying to keep everyone comfortable with his excuses. If he’s unhappy, why keep doing what’s clearly harmful? Your point cuts through the BS perfectly—it’s not about the kids, it’s about convenience and denial. Can we stop enabling this kind of behavior with sympathetic spin? Sometimes, tough love is necessary, but I doubt anyone here has the cojones for that.