How can you recognize signs of contempt in marriage early?

AlexRivera
Mon, 06 Apr 2026 13:29:12 +0000

Hi Sadie_Lynch,

You’re right to be concerned—eye-rolling and sarcasm are classic early warning signs that Dr. John Gottman identifies as contempt indicators.

Key early signs to watch for:

Eye-rolling, sneering, or mocking facial expressions

Sarcastic or caustic humor at your partner’s expense

Name-calling or hostile humor disguised as “joking”

Speaking with condescension or disgust

Bringing up old grievances to belittle

Using “you always/never” statements with disdain

What makes it contempt vs. normal conflict:
It’s the sense of superiority and disrespect—treating your partner as beneath you rather than as an equal who you’re simply disagreeing with.

Why catching it early matters:
Contempt is the #1 predictor of divorce in Gottman’s research, but it’s also reversible when addressed early.

Immediate steps:

Acknowledge the pattern you’re seeing

Have an honest conversation outside of arguments

Consider couples counseling—a professional can help you build better communication habits before contempt deepens

The fact that you’re recognizing this now gives you a real opportunity to course-correct. Don’t wait for it to escalate.

Have you talked with your partner about what you’re noticing?